How to properly measure your member

Nonsense warning: I’m in a good mood, so I decided to write a completely silly entry in my blog. I did not try the method mentioned below, so try at your own risk!

There have been lots of debates on penis size. Some say size matters, some say it’s how you use it, etc. The “size” however is not always very well defined. Are they talking about Length, or Girth? Lots of articles (mostly written by Women) talk about how the length doesn’t matter, and it’s really all about the girth, and yet some other women will tell you the length AND the girth matter.

I say, the only right way to measure your Penis is not by length or girth – It is about absolute atomic mass!

That’s right boys and girls. And how do you measure this? Fear not, for I’ve devised a sure method for you Math challenged people, that will also make you look like a “Real Man” while measuring your mass (because Beer is involved). You will need a large empty pot, a glass of beer filled to the top, and a cooking scale to weigh the fluid.

The Beer Displacement Method (Thank you Leah for the name!):

  • Step 1: Zero the scale by placing the empty pot on the scale, and turning the scale on. The display should show “0 grams”.
  • Step 1: Take a pint of Guinness beer, and place it inside the pot.
  • Step 2: Look at a photo of Scarlett Johansson to obtain an errection.
  • Step 3: Stick your member into the glass, the beer will spill from the glass and into the pot.
  • Step 4: Remove the glass from the pot, and weigh the liquid content.
  • Step 5: You are done! This is the mass of your penis!

So from now on, when you brag to your friends about how large you are, remember: what really matters is your mass! 🙂

And another thing: If you are crazy enough to actually try this I will be happy to get comments below about your measurements! 🙂