Those closest to me know that I’ve always been on an iterative path of self development and improvement. It is important for me to grow as a human being. I want to grow academically, but also emotionally and socially. I know this will make me a better person, and being a parent to two incredible young children motivates me further. I want my children to grow up with a more enlightened father, and I hope this helps them as they grow up in an ever changing and evolving society. OM is the study of Orgasmic Meditation, but ultimately it is the study of the masculine and the feminine energies we all embody, how those energies function, and how we can harness those energies to become more balanced, happier human beings. In this blog post, I will attempt to analyze and break down what OM means to me, and perhaps through my insights you may figure out what OM means to you.
Yesterday I summed up OM as “A modern inter-personal interaction language for a more connected and enlightened society”, and I think this is so far my best description of what OM is.
The name’s all wrong! Or is it?
When you first learn about OM, you might mistakenly think it’s a simple meditation protocol where a man strokes a woman’s genitals. There’s a lot more to it than that!
The team at One Taste have masterfully combined a number of philosophies and disciplines to form a new cohesive multi-disciplinary practice that helps people master the interplay between masculine and feminine energies, between people (not just between men and women), to achieve an “Orgasmic Centered Life”. So this isn’t about achieving a physical, genital orgasm, and if that’s what you were hoping for you’re going to be sorely disappointed. It’s more about aligning with your desires, so you can be whole and happy and content.
On the other hand, re-defining the word “Orgasm” to mean something that’s more encompassing and fulfilling is probably the right thing to do because after all, relationships aren’t all about sex and genitals, and if that’s how you approach your relationships, you’ll eventually have none.
The protocol in a nutshell
Let’s get this out of the way first. This protocol is documented elsewhere, including plenty of videos on YouTube. The protocol is very simple and lasts 17 minutes in total. There’s 2 minutes for prep, 13 minutes of stroking, and 2 more minutes for grounding (coming “down”). Here are the steps:
- Prepare in advance: Two nitrile gloves & the “One Stroke” lube
- Prepare in advance: The nest (one pillow for her head, two pillows for her legs, a small soft towel for her, to be placed under her pelvis, and a folded towel for you to sit on, to raise yourself from the ground)
- Help your lady into the nest and assume the position: Your left leg above her abdomen and your right leg under her right leg.
- Start your timer: The first step will last no more than 2 minutes.
- Grounding: Announce to your lady that you’re going to touch her thighs, and when she approves, place your hands flat on her things and press down gently.
- Noticing: During the grounding step, you also perform the “noticing” step: Look at her genitals and describe what you’re seeing. A short and simple description (5~15 seconds) is enough.
- Gloves & Lube: While maintaining contact with her legs/thighs, put on your gloves and dip your right thumb and left stroking finger into the lube. A pea size is enough, don’t overdo it.
- At this point the 2 minute timer should ding, and you move to the stroking step.
- Stroking: Announce to your lady you’re about to touch her genitals. Once she consents, you gently insert your right thumb into her vaginal opening and press very gently downward. Your thumb will remain here for 13 minutes, and you won’t move it. Just maintain constant, light grounding pressure. You then use the fingers of your left hand to spread open her labia, uncover the hood to reveal the clitoris, and start gently stroking from her clitoris down, until your finger meets your thumb. You start stroking from 4~5pm from the clitoris (slightly down and to the right of the clitoris). You use “down” strokes, which means you apply pressure while going down, and you then slide back up with almost no pressure (but without lifting your finger – you maintain constant contact). An “up” strike is the exact opposite: You apply the pressure while stroking upward, and go back down the minimal pressure. Which ones do you use? You will know when you’re in touch with how your lady’s responding to your strokes.
- Noticing: Notice the dynamics and your own emotional and physical sensations while stroking. You can gently describe what you’re feeling to your lady, she will thank you to acknowledge you sharing. She may do the same, say thank you to acknowledge her sharing.
- After 13 minutes the timer should ding again. You spend the next minute doing down strokes going as low as possible, and one more minute doing grounding: Take your thumb out, gently, and place your right hand on top of your left hand. Now press as hard as you can inward (covering, and applying pressure on the entire area).
- With the last 2 minutes well spent, you pull the towel from under your lady (she will lift her pelvis to allow you to take the towel). You then fold the towel in half, place it on her labia and pull gently upwards to wipe the lube. Once done, open the towel and fold it the other way, and let it rest on her genitals.
- Remove your gloves and place them aside, and help your lady up. The OM is now over. The lady will thank you, thank her back.
- Keep it professional. This is a strict protocol, do not change things up, and don’t try to add things to it. Don’t offer hugs unless it is requested. Imagine you’re a masseuse at a SPA, and you enjoy the experience.
- Prepare everything in advance so you don’t have to delay or pause the OM. This includes putting phones in airplane mode, setting up lighting, making sure the environment is cozy and silent and that there are no other interruptions, etc (maybe lock the door to your room).
Some personal history
My very first encounter with self development texts happened before my 20’s, during the BBS era. I was exposed to all kinds of documents which I found on other BBS or that were uploaded to my BBS. Some were kinda silly (how to get high from the stuff inside banana peel), some dangerous (how to build bombs), but some were very interesting (how to invoke an out of body experience, how to achieve lucid dreaming, how to meditate). So even as a teenager I seemed to know right from wrong, real from fake, and I intuitively knew what would help me grow as a human being.
I was also very lucky to have smart, inspiring adults earlier in my life. They saw me, and they helped me directly and indirectly. Some of them were very smart about how they advised me, but I can only recognize this in retrospect. Bottom line is: I got lucky.
I first found out about OM from a Ted Talk by Nicole Daedone about 5~6 years ago. I was married to my second wife at the time, and my daughter was not yet born. I knew I wanted to learn more about it, but my circumstances kept me away from investing in my personal development.
Recent personal developments
I was engaged to be married 3 times, managed to marry two of my fiancés, and produced two offspring. Becoming a father is easily one of the most amazing things that have ever happened to me. I always wanted a family, I knew I would love it, but nothing prepares you for the emotional and mental explosion that is parenting. You think your heart can love from 1 to 10 and then you discover it can go to 15.
On the other hand, being a parent can be very demanding and even harmful mentally if you don’t know how to balance family, work, and personal time. My recent divorce and the ensuing custody arrangement put me in a place where I have more time to myself. I spent the first few months just healing and finding myself again. It allowed me to go back to focusing on self development, and I was able to do an ITO (Intro To OM) course, as well as attend a coaching circle with Eli Block.
A brief history of “stroking”
When you take a deep dive into the human condition you start noticing repeating patterns of behavior. You start seeing psychological conditions, how various situations affect humans on various levels (be it long term / short term stress, or even long term / short term happiness). You also notice how time and experiences have a powerful effect on people, pushing them to grow and mature.
We owe a debt of gratitude to so many intelligent, patient human beings throughout history who’ve spent years studying humanity and producing amazing works. From the authors of the various religions, to Tantra, Ayurveda, and even Pick Up Artists. They all researched human psychology and came back with useful recipes that make advanced social tools more accessible, and allow humans to evolve into a more enlightened society.
But what is a “stroke”? Here’s an example: A few days ago my daughter was watching Disney’s Tinkerbell. In the movie, Tinkerbell is drawn to the Winter kingdom. She eventually crosses, despite stern warnings from her community not to do so. She encounters a winter faerie while visiting the Winter Kingdom. I had an inkling that it was Tinkerbell’s sister, but I wanted to see if my 5 year old daughter caught on to it as early as I did, so I asked her: “Who do you think this other faerie is?”, and she responded “I think it’s her sister maybe”. Me asking the question is a stroke, and my daughter responded to the stroke (and surprised me, with the depth of her connection to the story that was unfolding on the screen in front of her).
I’m happy to say that we seem to be evolving from a society where men almost never stroked women, to a society where men are now more interested than ever in learning how to stroke women, and where soon, everybody will understand the importance of stroking, and do it with everybody around them by default (men on men, women on women).
Many books have been published recently that touch on the various aspects mentioned above:
- The Game / Neil Strauss
- The Truth / Neil Strauss
- No More Mr. Nice Guy / Robert Glover
- Slow Sex / Nicole Daedone
- How to fix your marriage without talking about it / Patricia Love & Steven Stosny
- OM: A Tantric Sex Cult Odyssey / Jeff Nichols
- Orgasmic Yoga / Martha Tara Lee
- Connecting to our Ancestral Past / Francesca Mason Boring
If you decide to read the books above, I urge you to read them slowly and to pay close attention to the details and the various scenarios depicted. You can either learn from those books for a couple hundred dollars, or you can pay tens of thousands of dollars to attend courses and learn first hand from experienced teachers & coaches.
The problem OM is facing
Imagine a man who was raised Christian, maybe even Catholic. Maybe that man was raised traditionally, and sexuality is a taboo subject. Now imagine I go to this man and tell him the following: “You’re going to put gloves on your hands, a woman is going to take her underwear off and lay down in front of you. You will sit above her and stroke her genitals gently for 13 minutes. When you’re done, you both go on your merry way”. What will that person tell me? And this isn’t just with men, I’ve spoken to women about OM, and they looked at me like I was some new age psycho.
It would have make the practice more socially acceptable if OM makes an appearance in popular media, appears in books, articles, and if famous celebrities start practicing OM and tell the world about how wonderful it is. Imagine if Oprah covers OM in one of her shows.
Except it’s not that simple. The OM has to be contained, as an experience (hence “the container”). You do the practice, and you do not add anything. You don’t make small talk, you don’t hug, you don’t even touch each other beyond perhaps a handshake when introducing yourselves. You stick to the protocol, and you keep it “professional”.
To understand all of the above, you have to attend an ITO course (Intro To OM), and maybe a few circles. It’s not expensive; many of the sessions are free, and the ITO itself cost me $100.
I honestly believe everybody should do this, both men and women. You will benefit from this even if all you’re doing is attending a few free meetups, and paying for (and attending) an ITO course, it will set you back around $100 (not including transportation costs). For a life changing experience, it’s a tiny price to pay. You will learn a whole new language for relating with the people in your life.
If you have any questions please do not hesitate to reach out to me. If you want to add to the list of books above, make corrections, point out mistakes, etc, please let me know.